John

It's been a strange day. I don't want to see anyone. I don't feel like talking. Talking is too hard. I just look outside my window amd see so many other windows. I wonder if anyone else is feeling as low and introspective as me...in their rooms.
It's a strange city. I heard so much about violence and I trully fear it. Yet, it has never really threatened me drectly. I hear of loneliness and yet whenever I look in stranger's eyes, they seem all so busy and complete...
My neighbour opens his door and smiles at me. A smile that only exists cause of casuality. I would never ring his bell to small talk or simply smile, but I know how much that simple smile matters. It tells me somehow I fit in this world, I am accepted and as thirsty as I am for being part of something, I smile back, grateful. His name is John Paul something. I don't know much about his life, except that his wife used to be a teacher. At some point she quit, maybe to take better care of their three sons. Their older boy used to go to school with me but we never really got along well. High school boys can get really empty. But that man, John...there was something about him. Always taking care of his flowers. John Paul Whiteman, staring at those blood red roses. Making each and every one of them special by the strenght of his stare. John Paul Goldman, making me wish I were one of his humble flowers.
I leave my window open wide as I let my robe fall off my body and look discreetly out of the window. Yes, he is still looking up. John Paul Goodman looks at his house window. No sign of danger. He looks back right at me. At me. That's my reward. And sadly, probably the best part of my day. Yet, nothing is worse than being in the shaddows all your life. Now, I am in the spotlight as John Paul Freeman slowly touches his jeans. I keep pretending I didn't notice. And It all happens. And it happens so gently and discreetly. In such a subtle way, that it could all be denied so easily. All happens as if by accident, so that in the next morning I can pass by his door and innocently say - Hello, Mr Oldman.